?

Log in

 
 
03 July 2011 @ 09:40 pm
 
 Fine. I gave in to twitter.

How long before I regret this?
 
 
 
Ed Balls MPontheballscity on July 3rd, 2011 09:08 pm (UTC)
Aw, love, you didn't really have a choice.

As long as I we don't do anything stupid then we'll be fine.
Yvette: hey yvettecoopertrooper on July 3rd, 2011 09:14 pm (UTC)
That depends on whether you're planning to embarrass me again, which I wonder was why you made me go on it...?
Ed Balls MP: resonable manontheballscity on July 3rd, 2011 09:19 pm (UTC)
Look, joining twitter humanises you so the fucking stupid electorate will vote for you, 'cause they don't give a shit about what your economic policy is, they just want fucking videos of you cuddling cats.

...So, everyone thinks I'm a great person now.

Just - you know the direct mail?

No - no that one?

Yeah. That you can send me naked pictures on.

Oh and that's the search bar and that's your tweet input thingy. Some really thick people occasionally get them mixed up.
Yvettecoopertrooper on July 3rd, 2011 09:31 pm (UTC)
...Naked pictures? You've got to be joking.

*scrolls down replies list*

And apparently joining twitter is a sign I'm launching a leadership bid, Nothing to do with my husband stealing my phone while I was in the bath.
Ed Balls MP: resonable manontheballscity on July 3rd, 2011 09:34 pm (UTC)
But I sent you that pic at conference -

Look, hacks think everything is a fucking leadership bid since the robot crashed mid-interview.

...And, look... it wouldn't be a bad thing to get your name out there. Get people to know who you are.
Yvettecoopertrooper on July 3rd, 2011 09:43 pm (UTC)
There are advantage to people not knowing who you are. I like being able to walk down the street without being abused in peace.
Ed Balls MP: you want to say that again?ontheballscity on July 3rd, 2011 09:48 pm (UTC)
When we're back in power it's back to that fucking entourage.

Hopefully not the same team for the Home Secretary.

You might as well get used to it, love.

... Following anyone yet? *Peers over*
Yvette: conference yvettecoopertrooper on July 3rd, 2011 09:58 pm (UTC)
Whatever happens, I do not want to live under Blair-levels of security for the rest of my life.

I don't know. Who are these people that are sending all these messages to me?! I just followed some people I recognised...
Ed Balls MP: resonable manontheballscity on July 3rd, 2011 10:20 pm (UTC)
Well, you'll be Home Secretary, love - at least for the first bit. So you'll be able to fix it for you before Andy gets his sticky ID-card loving hands over domestic policy.

Uh, they're probably my followers who saw a retweeted message of mine...

Ah, see? Look, that's someone you know. Ooh, cook out.

Yvette: hey yvettecoopertrooper on July 3rd, 2011 10:28 pm (UTC)
Unless the terrorism risk falls very very sharply, I doubt I'd be able to do much about it. But maybe ID cards would help...

I've gained about 1000 followers in an hour. Wait for a couple of days and the rest of your followers might catch up.

I think we now know where we can go for the summer.
Ed Balls MP: resonable manontheballscity on July 3rd, 2011 10:35 pm (UTC)
Well, I'm not against 'em.

Yeah... shit, you did remember to disable notifications, right?
Yvettecoopertrooper on July 3rd, 2011 10:44 pm (UTC)
Oh...no. My inbox is going to be so clogged tomorrow.

On the bright side, I can use it as an excuse for when Miliband asks me why I didn't go with his soft liberal ideas.
Ed Balls MP: hate ties hate tiesontheballscity on July 3rd, 2011 10:50 pm (UTC)
Humph.

Bet the fucking unions are happy they backed that cu- er - backed Miliband right now.

You know, because they didn't have another fucking obvious choice to pick.
Yvettecoopertrooper on July 3rd, 2011 11:09 pm (UTC)
Not just the unions, I bet half the public are thrilled that no party is on their side.

As if he couldn't make it more tempting to ditch him before 2015...

*yawns*

Want some cookies? Because otherwise I'm finishing that half empty packet.
Ed Balls MP: resonable manontheballscity on July 3rd, 2011 11:16 pm (UTC)
Yeah, sure.

*Passes packet across, taking three*

At least we haven't got questions this week. Just heckling at Cameron and Clegg...

If Miliband starts roboting off I'm going to stab him in the back and do PMQs the way it's supposed to be done. Y'know, with bloodshed and tears and physical restraint.
Yvettecoopertrooper on July 3rd, 2011 11:24 pm (UTC)
No, we need a serious plan for PMQs. If it's you getting under Cameron's skin instead of Miliband again, it's going to make us all look worse.

None of that giving him caffeine shots and having him jump up and down raving about 'the same old Tories' like you did for the budget response either.

We need a proper plan.
Ed Balls MP: Oh shi-ontheballscity on July 3rd, 2011 11:25 pm (UTC)
Uh...

...

...fire's always fun?
Yvette: conference yvettecoopertrooper on July 3rd, 2011 11:27 pm (UTC)
Yes, let's just watch the house of commons go up in smoke. What an excellent idea.
Ed Balls MP: hate ties hate tiesontheballscity on July 3rd, 2011 11:30 pm (UTC)
Well, I don't know! You think of something, then I'll budget it. That's how it works.
Yvettecoopertrooper on July 3rd, 2011 11:40 pm (UTC)
Well, first we need to fix whatever's got him repeating things on loop. I blame his PR team. They need to go on the list.

The next thing is to get someone who can actually write witty lines - he had them in his first few weeks in the job, so who knows where that went.

...if that fails, a can of red bull can't hurt.
Ed Balls MP: Fuckin' Brilliantontheballscity on July 4th, 2011 10:32 am (UTC)
I say we just shoot him full of caffeine and watch him blow himself up.
Yvettecoopertrooper on July 4th, 2011 10:45 am (UTC)
Fine, but only as a plan B. You get the emergency supplies ready.
killandburnhamkillandburnham on July 3rd, 2011 10:51 pm (UTC)
I'm pretty sure you voted for ID cards too. So shut your face.
Ed Balls MP: hate ties hate tiesontheballscity on July 3rd, 2011 10:55 pm (UTC)
Yeah, but I didn't suck off David Blunkett until he gave me the ID card brief.
killandburnhamkillandburnham on July 3rd, 2011 10:58 pm (UTC)
Why did you suck him off, then?
Ed Balls MP: Oh shi-ontheballscity on July 3rd, 2011 11:03 pm (UTC)
Well -

That -

Oh, fuck off, Blairite.

Speaking of Blairites that can fuck off, heard much from the blue Labour turncoat recently? Only cuz I guess he'd hit you up if he fancied subscribing you to his new new new new new Labour thing.
killandburnhamkillandburnham on July 3rd, 2011 11:13 pm (UTC)
I don't suppose it'll help to point out, again, that I'm not actually that much of a Blairite, will it?

I've spoken to Jim. I'm not convinced he'd come back, even if he had the chance. He always seems enthusiastic about Demos, anyway.

Even if he was plotting something, he knows where I stand. I'm not interested in being Iago in any act of this unending, fucked up melodrama.
Ed Balls MP: Fuckin' Brilliantontheballscity on July 3rd, 2011 11:23 pm (UTC)
If it walks, quacks and votes like a duck, Burnham. Just 'cause you got through the chicken wire - duck wire - whatever, you're still Blair-tainted.

Humph. Well. You've stuck to the line before.

Just give me a heads up if he's slipped his name in for a by-election, yeah? There are lots of ways votes can disappear if you're creative...
killandburnhamkillandburnham on July 3rd, 2011 11:32 pm (UTC)
I'm a Labourite. I'm loyal to the party, even when it's fucking mental.

I mean, look at you and Miliband. Brownites, both of you, so you'd think you've got something in common, but you've got no intention of giving up your own agenda, have you? It's not about Blair v Brown, one ideology v another, it's about Ed Balls v anything and anyone standing in the way of Ed Balls having more power than he'd know what to do with.

So don't go talking about ducks and sticking to the line with me, mate. I'm considerably less likely to stage a coup than you are.

I'd like to see Jim back. He wouldn't hesitate in calling everything bollocks. But then he'd just resign again and I'd have another by-election to plan for, so maybe it's best if he stays where he is.
Ed Balls MP: Fuckin' Brilliantontheballscity on July 4th, 2011 10:34 am (UTC)
Yeah, yeah, everyone's a Labourite until the party's doing something mental and then they're a something else-ite. Just you wait, Burnham. It'll happen.
killandburnhamkillandburnham on July 4th, 2011 11:10 pm (UTC)
It hasn't happened yet. You really think the party's done nothing mental in the 27 years I've been a member?

Face it, I'm not you.
Lord Mandelson: Thinkingtherealpm on July 3rd, 2011 09:53 pm (UTC)
You don't already?
Yvettecoopertrooper on July 3rd, 2011 10:00 pm (UTC)
They haven't started inserting my name into song titles yet, so I'm giving it a chance.
killandburnhamkillandburnham on July 3rd, 2011 10:06 pm (UTC)
The most important thing to remember is that everyone who uses Twitter is insane - including you, now.

Believe nothing you read, but be aware that anything on there might be believed by countless numbers of people. Oh, and never, ever respond to someone who's having a go at you. People don't want rational debate, they want to make you look like a dick.
Yvettecoopertrooper on July 3rd, 2011 10:09 pm (UTC)
...Are you on twitter?

That sounds like the papers.
killandburnhamkillandburnham on July 3rd, 2011 10:15 pm (UTC)
Yeah, I am. I've never made any claims about my own sanity.

Imagine the papers, but there's no editor, and no-one you can sue, and no bloke you've had a few pints with who you can call up and persuade to drop something particularly unflattering. Imagine the papers, but if one person draws a Harry Potter scar on your head, or a speech bubble that says "I'm a Nazi", then it doesn't just stay on their paper: everyone can see it.
Yvettecoopertrooper on July 3rd, 2011 10:22 pm (UTC)
How reassuring.

Perhaps I should write to Theresa May about legislation to prevent Twitter from being above the law. But I suppose even that won't stop much.

I should probably follow you, if not all your tweets are Everton updates.
killandburnhamkillandburnham on July 3rd, 2011 10:26 pm (UTC)
It's alright. It's fun. You'll be fine. At least it means no-one can sue you, right? That's a joke sort of. You just have to not say anything you wouldn't say to a room of your harshest critics.

Some of my tweets are Everton-related. Can't deny that. But others are about Leigh and Labour and Education and how much of a twat Gove is. So there's something for everyone.
Yvettecoopertrooper on July 3rd, 2011 10:40 pm (UTC)
Believe me, I wouldn't anyway. Although Ed uses it for more than Labour communication purposes. I'm not sure I want everyone to know about my TV habits.

There's never enough of letting people know about Michael Gove's idiocy.
killandburnhamkillandburnham on July 3rd, 2011 10:49 pm (UTC)
Very wise. Now everyone knows about Ed's reality TV obsession, they're not even scared of him anymore.

Agreed - although, strangely, none of us can damage his reputation any more than he can.
Yvettecoopertrooper on July 3rd, 2011 10:58 pm (UTC)
He has the kids to blame for that. Or he tries to.

Can't imagine why anyone would be scared of him in the first place...okay lets not go down this route

He must make your job a hell of a lot easier.
killandburnhamkillandburnham on July 3rd, 2011 11:05 pm (UTC)
Oh, don't worry, no-one believes him about the kids.

People were/are scared of him because he wants them to be. And he's got a decent right-hook, I suppose. But now everyone knows he'll only hit them if they change over when Strictly's on, they're relaxing a bit.

Lately, my job is a little bit like standing on the hard shoulder of the M6, pointing at a pile-up, ad saying, "Fuck, have you seen that? That's bad."

Presumably further challenges lie ahead.
Yvette: hey yvettecoopertrooper on July 3rd, 2011 11:16 pm (UTC)
Hmph. I'm scarier than Ed.

Okay, apart from when interrupted when watching Strictly...or X Factor...or Top of the Pops. Pop music even comes before the economy. He won't admit to it.

I doubt that. If Miliband had half a working battery at the moment, he'd move you back to Health. You'd have a great time winding him up by singing the Andrew Lansley rap.
killandburnhamkillandburnham on July 3rd, 2011 11:22 pm (UTC)
Tell me about it.

I think I signed something promising never to do the rap again. What happens at conference stays at conference, and all that. And it might be copyrighted.

But yeah. I miss Health.
Yvettecoopertrooper on July 3rd, 2011 11:31 pm (UTC)
I'm sure you'd get away with it under parliamentary privilege.
killandburnhamkillandburnham on July 3rd, 2011 11:34 pm (UTC)
I can dream!