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06 March 2011 @ 04:58 pm
 

Why shouldn't we get extra travel expenses? No one else has to ship their kids up and down the country every bloody week.

It's amazing what Tories will resort to when they're afraid we're going to take over the country of what a strong political force we are.

And by the way, Telegraph, I haven't been the shadow work and pensions secretary for nearly six months.
 
 
 
Ed Balls MP: hate ties hate tiesontheballscity on March 6th, 2011 05:38 pm (UTC)
Fucking Torygraph fucks. Twats are just used to dumping their kids on their fucking nurses or nannies or other 18th century childcare.

They'll get theirs. *Updates list* By the way, how're we getting to Westminster tomorrow? I hate using the car but I'm bored of dumbfucks swearing and staring when we take the tube.
Yvettecoopertrooper on March 6th, 2011 05:46 pm (UTC)
Let's take the car.

...What's wrong with the car? What have you done?

Ed Balls MP: whoopsontheballscity on March 6th, 2011 05:50 pm (UTC)
Uhhh.

Um.

The engine management light went on on Friday and I kind of tried to fix it and now it's gone all mental - It's really not my fault, though.
Yvettecoopertrooper on March 6th, 2011 06:06 pm (UTC)
I see.

You know, knowing how to break other people's vehicles doesn't make you a mechanic.

I guess it'll have to be the tube, then.
Ed Balls MP: resonable manontheballscity on March 6th, 2011 06:13 pm (UTC)
Look, I was trying to save money. My heart was in the right place. How come cars are so fucking hard to fix?

I fucking hate the tube.
Yvette: hey yvettecoopertrooper on March 6th, 2011 06:22 pm (UTC)
If we wear big hats and scarves and hold up full-sized broadsheets, they won't recognise us. Perhaps.
Ed Balls MP: Fuckin' Brilliantontheballscity on March 6th, 2011 06:29 pm (UTC)
Or look like something out of a Monty Python sketch.

Why can't we get Sadiq to cast his whatchamacallit magic shit thing he gives Miliband when we have to hide him from the public? I wouldn't mind going around London invisible.
Yvette: smiley yvettecoopertrooper on March 6th, 2011 06:38 pm (UTC)
Ha, think of all the things we could do!

But Sadiq and Ed aren't going to let you loose in Westminster invisible, that's for sure.
Ed Balls MP: Fuckin' Brilliantontheballscity on March 6th, 2011 06:44 pm (UTC)
...They might let us get away with it if I say it's your birthday present?

I'm putting the kettle on - these figures are going to take me all night. Do you want tea?
Yvette: smiley yvettecoopertrooper on March 6th, 2011 07:18 pm (UTC)
Hmm, it's worth a try.

I'd love a cuppa. Got to sort out my notes for the Commons too.
Ed Balls MP: Fuckin' Brilliantontheballscity on March 6th, 2011 07:26 pm (UTC)
Shit, your Questions are tomorrow, aren't they? Do you want me to pretend to be Theresa? I don't think I have any really fucking terrible shoes, though.
Yvette: smiley yvettecoopertrooper on March 6th, 2011 07:30 pm (UTC)
I can pretty much predict what she's going to say, but go on.

My mother left her bright pink coat here from last time she was round. You could put that on if you want to do a full-on roleplay.
Ed Balls MP: cooking is greatontheballscity on March 6th, 2011 07:48 pm (UTC)
*Puts on coat*

...This is weird. Don't expect me to do a squeaky voice. I get enough shit about being a housewife without this proving it...
Yvettecoopertrooper on March 6th, 2011 07:52 pm (UTC)
Who says you're a housewife? Sexist Tories who don't like women to have similar high-status jobs as their husbands?
Ed Balls MP: resonable manontheballscity on March 6th, 2011 07:56 pm (UTC)
It's more the cooking thing I think. Andy says I'm camp. I'm not camp, right? He also says I'm thick, but the lit degree sports-scholarship wanker can do hang.

So, what do I say? Labour deficit, thirteen year, rauughh, etc...
Yvette: conference yvettecoopertrooper on March 6th, 2011 09:39 pm (UTC)
Cooking is not just a women's job! And you're not camp at all, darling except for your taste in music. Or thick.

Yeah, that, and probably 'Labour let in too many immigrants', 'We're creating ASBOs but with a different name' and 'There aren't going to be fewer police'. You know the stuff.
Ed Balls MP: Fuckin' Brilliantontheballscity on March 6th, 2011 09:57 pm (UTC)
I'm not saying it is a women's job! I'm just saying some people - erm - think it should be. Not me though, obviously. Your cooking, I mean -

...I'm being serious! Don't give me that look. I'm a feminist!

How about, er, Mr. Speaker, I would like it known that, unlike my laughable dress sense, this reduction of public spending will not cause a crime burden on society. Freedom, prosperity, for richer and for... nah, just for richer.

And may I say, Mr. Speaker, the Honorable Member for Normanton, Pontefract and Castleford is looking very fetching in her pajamas.
Yvette: hey yvettecoopertrooper on March 6th, 2011 10:09 pm (UTC)
Mr Speaker, I beg to know how losing 10,000 frontline police officers will not 'cause a crime burden'.

As regards my pyjamas, I sincerely hope the real Home Secretary wouldn't say such a thing. But if it was the Right Honorable Member for Morley and Outwood standing at the despatch box, I would mention that it's time he changed into his pyjamas.
Ed Balls MP: you godfuck itontheballscity on March 6th, 2011 10:14 pm (UTC)
Mr Speaker, if it were up to me then I would want to put as many police officers on the frontline as possible, but thanks to Labour's economic deficit we have no other choice. Bullshit, bullshit, bullshit.

Mr. Speaker, the Right Honorable Member for Morley and Outwood would like to explain to the Right Honorable Member for Normanton, Pontefract and Castleford that he can't work out how to turn the dryer off so he's going to end up sleeping in his football strip again yes but there's a hole in the crotch that he hasn't got around to fixing.
Yvettecoopertrooper on March 6th, 2011 10:25 pm (UTC)
The Right Honorable Member should, Mr Speaker, consider learning how to use electrical appliances, including cars, television sets and tumble dryers. The cost of replacing these appliances is one the Cooper-Balls household cannot continue to afford.

If he feels that his football strip makes such an important contribution to his life that he could not lose it entirely, he might want to wear a cleaner, more presentable one. For the sanity and wellbeing of his family.
Ed Balls MP: Fuckin' Brilliantontheballscity on March 6th, 2011 10:38 pm (UTC)
Look, Mr. Speaker, at least, unlike the Right Honorable Member opposite, I didn't wrench open the door and get soapy water everywhere when we thought Joe had put the school's hamster in with his socks.

The Right Honorable Member should also decide whether or not she wants or does not want money to be spent as otherwise I don't have a kit to wear.
Yvette: conference yvettecoopertrooper on March 6th, 2011 10:50 pm (UTC)
That was an emergency!

I would recommend that he cleans and mends his kit instead, if he could use the relevant machines. If not, I would accept an investment in new kit, as it should not be much of a strain on our budget.

...Ellie, politicians are allowed to talk to each other in third person.

No, you and Joe are not politicians. Now go to bed.
Ed Balls MP: Aweontheballscity on March 6th, 2011 10:59 pm (UTC)
Listen to your mother, Joe.

...No, she is not gerrymandering you. How do you even know that word? ...Oh, uncle Ed, hmm? I'll have a little talk with uncle Ed in the morning.

Alright, fine.

Would the Honorable Member for Normanton, Pontefract and Castleford give way to the Honorable Members for Our Hallway and Our Kitchen and get them some milk so we could tuck them into bed before midnight?
Yvettecoopertrooper on March 6th, 2011 11:08 pm (UTC)
I wouldn't be surprised if uncle's Ed's own children start using words like that at the age of five. Correctly. Ours musn't fall behind.

Of course, I accept the Honorable Members's requests. Getting these two into bed as soon as possible is of the upmost priority.

No cookies ...Because they contain sugar and I want you to fall asleep.
Ed Balls MP: resonable manontheballscity on March 6th, 2011 11:16 pm (UTC)
Uncle Ed's kids will probably be too concerned with memorising Crosland to have a real childhood, though. Sam's got to learn the art of older brother usurping quickly.

No that isn't sugar gerrymandering either, Joel. And no we don't have a sugar deficit - okay, seriously, I am disabling BBC Parliament on your computer if you keep going like this.

...Yes I do know how to do that!

Right, that's it. You're suspended from Parliament.

*Picks up youngest and swings around*

Now, up to bed before I ban you from the chamber. Let's go back to your constituencies and prepare for bedtime.
Yvette: smiley yvettecoopertrooper on March 6th, 2011 11:24 pm (UTC)
*tucks children into bed and kisses*

Goodnight, darlings.

*yawn* I'm going to bed too.
Ed Balls MP: Aweontheballscity on March 6th, 2011 11:26 pm (UTC)
I'll just go and turn the lights off downstairs, then come join you.

Goodnight, sweetheart.

*kisses*

Good luck for tomorrow if you fall asleep before I can get back up here.
Yvette: smiley yvettecoopertrooper on March 6th, 2011 11:32 pm (UTC)
Goodnight, love.